If You Always Do What You Always Did...

It has been quite a while since I've written an entry here.  My usual fall/winter lung and sinus problems began in November and are still going on as I type.  Because of this, I've been on Prednisone, so I haven't seen any weight loss in months.  The good news is that I haven't really gained much, either.  I do fluctuate somewhere between 5-10 pounds, but I know it will go away come spring, when I can finally get off of these prescriptions.

Lately, I've been feeling the need to step up my game, so to speak.  Don't get me wrong.  I've lost approximately 130 pounds since October of 2009 and I am extremely happy about that!  Dropping 6 clothing sizes does wonders for my mental health!!!  Still, there are times when I catch my reflection and think, "I have lost so much weight.  Why am I still fat?"  But that is the old, negative tape playing in my head.  Old habits die hard, you know.

I had planned to start doing circuit training in September, but I got sidelined when I had my hernia operation.  Now I am free to start a core exercise regime, but I can't seem to take that first step.  I feel I am at a crossroads.  If I want to lose more weight (which I do) I need to start working out.  I don't know.  Maybe it's because I haven't been feeling well for a while that I can't get my butt moving.  Part of me is happy with where I am.  I mean, 130 pounds gone.  Seriously?   That's so much weight lost.  If I stopped here, would that be so bad?  But, I am a perfectionist.  If I am honest with myself, I am NOT happy to just stop here.  I want to lose it all...every pound I gained all those years ago.  Thus, I must get moving.

I've also toyed with the idea of going back to Weight Watchers.  But WW never worked for me.  I joined that program at least 10 times (for real!) and never had any success.  I worked hard at it, but it just wasn't the right program for me. So, WHY on EARTH am I even considering going back?  Again, old habits.  There's a saying that I picked up in WW that goes, "If you always do what you always did, then you'll always get what you always got."    I think that is good advice, don't you?

There's also a part of me that is rebelling against all weight loss programs at the moment.  I want to live my life and not be on a diet.  Maybe that's okay?  I have to be careful, though, not too let old habits sneak back in to my life.  That is very difficult when taking Prednisone, because I crave carbs.  I find myself wanting things like banana bread and donuts.  Thank goodness for my cyber friend, Michelle, who posts wonderful protein rich recipes for these things on her blog http://theworldaccordingtoeggface.com  I've made her donuts before and they are really good and very filling.  I think it is time to make some more.

I can't sort this out in one night, but writing about it helps.  Thanks for reading my ramblings.  I am open to ideas and suggestions, so have at it in the comments.   I'll try not to stay away for so long in the future.

Until next time,

Summer 2009, awaiting Gastric Bypass Surgery

Nancy (Scrappyknees)

January 29, 2011 (Me & my friend, Caryn)

Merry Christmas!

Closure

Tonight, after I taught my Kindermusik class, I stopped in at Rockport United Methodist Church to see my old choir friends.  In case you are not up to speed, I was the Director of Music there for 15 years.  I lost my job last December, shortly after I had my Gastric Bypass Surgery.  I had always been bothered by how things happened.  The choir season always starts on the Wednesday that follows Labor Day.  3 weeks later, I left to have my surgery, which had been planned well in advance.  While I was recuperating, I was let go from my position.  I never saw the choir again, which really troubled me.  I had been wanting to pop in for a visit with the choir,  but something always held me back.  But tonight, I just had to go. 

It was a little strange pulling into the parking lot again after all this time.  I sat in the car for 10 minutes before I finally went in to the church.  I wanted to wait until the end of rehearsal, so as not to disrupt things.  While I was waiting in the hall, one of the children I had worked with saw me.  He did a double take and then said, "Where have you been?"  It was so sweet and innocent and sad at the same time.  We talked for a while, and when rehearsal ended, I popped my head into the room.

Everyone was surprised to see me.  It was so nice to finally get a chance to say goodbye in a proper way.  I kept my visit short-only 10 minutes.  And I left feeling good about the direction my life has taken.

The Doctors will tell you that your life will drastically change after GBS.  They are right.  Your body changes, your mind changes, and your life changes in ways you never even considered.  I believe God used my GBS as a sort of clean slate.  Now, as I look back over the last 13 months, it is beginning to make sense.  And I am happy to follow wherever He leads me.

One final note...I am currently down 125 pounds.  Seeing that in print just blows my mind!

Celebrating my birthday with my best friend, Karen.

Until next time,
Nancy
(Scrappyknees)

Would You Do It All Again?

My One year surgery anniversary came and went on October 7, 2010.  I saw my general physician the day after my anniversary, and he was very happy about my progress.  His big question for me was, knowing what I now know, would I have the surgery again?  Without hesitation, I said, "absolutely!"  Yes, the road has been long and the journey hard, but it has been worth every ache, pain, and doctor's appointment.  Today I am 120 pounds lighter and it has made a huge difference in my life.  I've listed the major changes that I've noticed in this post.  One new thing I've noticed is that on most days, I wake up refreshed!  I open my eyes, stretch, and actually have energy!  It is amazing what getting rid of sleep apnea will do for you.

If you are at a point in your life where you are considering bariatric surgery, the best advice I can give you is to do your research.  Be a well informed patient.  Be sure that you make your surgical inquiries at a Center Of Bariatric Excellence.  I chose St. Vincent Charity Hospital's Center For Bariatric Surgery in Cleveland, Ohio.
Ask a lot of questions.  Don't rush into your decision.  It took me a full year to make mine.  Realize that this is a process that takes between 6 months to a year.  Before you can have surgery, you need to be educated.  If you go to a Center Of Bariatric Excellence, you will attend classes to learn what to expect, what to eat, how to set your weight loss goal, and others. You will also be required to see a psychiatrist to make sure that you are in the right frame of mind to deal with the changes and stress this surgery brings.  It is a huge life change and the education is very necessary to be successful.  You cannot go into this surgery thinking you can eat doritos when you wake up the next morning!

Would I do it all again?  A thousand times YES!

This is Zoë's drawing of her new, thinner Mommy!  She has me sitting in a chair.  She made my day with this picture.

Comparison Time

I think it's time for me to post some comparison photos.

Me & Zoë, May 2009

Me (-115 lbs.)  & Zoë  September, 2010

I know I used to be 115 pounds heavier.  But seeing the difference here just blows my mind. 
How did I live like this for nearly twenty years?

11 Months and 115 Pounds Lighter...

Backyard camping with Zoë (& Bob.)




• I can wear fitted t-shirts and still be able to breathe.
• I can walk for long distances without really thinking about it.
• I want to be more active.
• I AM more active.
• My asthma has improved.
• I can keep up with my 4 year old daughter, at least for a little while!
• If I put something in my mouth and it doesn't taste amazing, I stop eating it.
• I really need to go and buy some new clothes for fall.  Everything I own is now hanging off of me.
• I have energy.  Pure, wonderful energy!
• I am not obsessing about my being "fat" anymore.
• I have passed the halfway mark to my goal weight.
• I am very comfortable behind the wheel of my car.
• I can comfortably sit in a booth at a restaurant.
• I feel like a new and improved version of my old, happy self.
• I am beginning to contemplate plastic surgery to remove extra skin down the line.
• I am determined to grow healthier as I grow older, instead of growing sicker with age.
• I am still trying to retrain my brain to make the correct food choices, especially when it comes to portions.  (I tend to take too much food, though I can't possibly eat it all.)  baby steps, baby steps...
• I see endless possibilities ahead of me.



115 pounds thinner.




• The quality of our family time improves every day, because I am no longer a spectator on a regular basis.

Me, in a tent! NEVER would have tried that 115 pounds ago.

My one year surgical anniversary is coming up on October 7th, 2010.  It's hard to believe it's almost been a year.  I can't wait to see what happens in year two!