Lately, I've been feeling the need to step up my game, so to speak. Don't get me wrong. I've lost approximately 130 pounds since October of 2009 and I am extremely happy about that! Dropping 6 clothing sizes does wonders for my mental health!!! Still, there are times when I catch my reflection and think, "I have lost so much weight. Why am I still fat?" But that is the old, negative tape playing in my head. Old habits die hard, you know.
I had planned to start doing circuit training in September, but I got sidelined when I had my hernia operation. Now I am free to start a core exercise regime, but I can't seem to take that first step. I feel I am at a crossroads. If I want to lose more weight (which I do) I need to start working out. I don't know. Maybe it's because I haven't been feeling well for a while that I can't get my butt moving. Part of me is happy with where I am. I mean, 130 pounds gone. Seriously? That's so much weight lost. If I stopped here, would that be so bad? But, I am a perfectionist. If I am honest with myself, I am NOT happy to just stop here. I want to lose it all...every pound I gained all those years ago. Thus, I must get moving.
I've also toyed with the idea of going back to Weight Watchers. But WW never worked for me. I joined that program at least 10 times (for real!) and never had any success. I worked hard at it, but it just wasn't the right program for me. So, WHY on EARTH am I even considering going back? Again, old habits. There's a saying that I picked up in WW that goes, "If you always do what you always did, then you'll always get what you always got." I think that is good advice, don't you?
There's also a part of me that is rebelling against all weight loss programs at the moment. I want to live my life and not be on a diet. Maybe that's okay? I have to be careful, though, not too let old habits sneak back in to my life. That is very difficult when taking Prednisone, because I crave carbs. I find myself wanting things like banana bread and donuts. Thank goodness for my cyber friend, Michelle, who posts wonderful protein rich recipes for these things on her blog http://theworldaccordingtoeggface.com I've made her donuts before and they are really good and very filling. I think it is time to make some more.
I can't sort this out in one night, but writing about it helps. Thanks for reading my ramblings. I am open to ideas and suggestions, so have at it in the comments. I'll try not to stay away for so long in the future.
Until next time,
|Summer 2009, awaiting Gastric Bypass Surgery|
|January 29, 2011 (Me & my friend, Caryn)|