If You Always Do What You Always Did...

It has been quite a while since I've written an entry here.  My usual fall/winter lung and sinus problems began in November and are still going on as I type.  Because of this, I've been on Prednisone, so I haven't seen any weight loss in months.  The good news is that I haven't really gained much, either.  I do fluctuate somewhere between 5-10 pounds, but I know it will go away come spring, when I can finally get off of these prescriptions.

Lately, I've been feeling the need to step up my game, so to speak.  Don't get me wrong.  I've lost approximately 130 pounds since October of 2009 and I am extremely happy about that!  Dropping 6 clothing sizes does wonders for my mental health!!!  Still, there are times when I catch my reflection and think, "I have lost so much weight.  Why am I still fat?"  But that is the old, negative tape playing in my head.  Old habits die hard, you know.

I had planned to start doing circuit training in September, but I got sidelined when I had my hernia operation.  Now I am free to start a core exercise regime, but I can't seem to take that first step.  I feel I am at a crossroads.  If I want to lose more weight (which I do) I need to start working out.  I don't know.  Maybe it's because I haven't been feeling well for a while that I can't get my butt moving.  Part of me is happy with where I am.  I mean, 130 pounds gone.  Seriously?   That's so much weight lost.  If I stopped here, would that be so bad?  But, I am a perfectionist.  If I am honest with myself, I am NOT happy to just stop here.  I want to lose it all...every pound I gained all those years ago.  Thus, I must get moving.

I've also toyed with the idea of going back to Weight Watchers.  But WW never worked for me.  I joined that program at least 10 times (for real!) and never had any success.  I worked hard at it, but it just wasn't the right program for me. So, WHY on EARTH am I even considering going back?  Again, old habits.  There's a saying that I picked up in WW that goes, "If you always do what you always did, then you'll always get what you always got."    I think that is good advice, don't you?

There's also a part of me that is rebelling against all weight loss programs at the moment.  I want to live my life and not be on a diet.  Maybe that's okay?  I have to be careful, though, not too let old habits sneak back in to my life.  That is very difficult when taking Prednisone, because I crave carbs.  I find myself wanting things like banana bread and donuts.  Thank goodness for my cyber friend, Michelle, who posts wonderful protein rich recipes for these things on her blog http://theworldaccordingtoeggface.com  I've made her donuts before and they are really good and very filling.  I think it is time to make some more.

I can't sort this out in one night, but writing about it helps.  Thanks for reading my ramblings.  I am open to ideas and suggestions, so have at it in the comments.   I'll try not to stay away for so long in the future.

Until next time,

Summer 2009, awaiting Gastric Bypass Surgery

Nancy (Scrappyknees)

January 29, 2011 (Me & my friend, Caryn)